Many parents have expressed to me that they’re concerned their kids are signed up for so many things—sports, music, dance, debate—the list can go on. It can feel like you’re constantly on the go and barely have time for family meals, homework and sleep. Even when your kids enjoy most of what they’re doing, you can see it’s taking a toll, either on them, your family or yourself as a parent. So how do you prioritize and reorganize your time when it all feels like too much?
Well, first, it is true that childhood and adolescence are times of learning, exploration and monitored experimentation. And it is our job as parents and supportive adults to nurture them in this process. While we want to encourage activities knowing that they can broaden the experiences of our children, we also need to be cognizant of the potential negative influence of being overcommitted and overextended.
Let me suggest some practical guidelines.
- When your child wants to engage in an activity, I think it is important that you have a conversation with them about their actual interest and what they hope to gain. Try to assess their genuine interest since it requires a commitment at multiple levels.
- As parents, we make many sacrifices to arrange for the various activities. Do not hold that over the child’s head—”Do you realize what I am doing for you!”—but rather let the children know the realistic changes that might be needed in terms of pick-ups, drop-offs and rearranged schedules. Everyone will need to be flexible as the family works together in the potentially complicated “dance” of extracurricular activities and family responsibilities.
- Be sure to judge the degree of engagement as the activity proceeds. For example, if they are taking music lessons but not putting in the necessary practice time, it may not be a priority. Don’t threaten them with stopping the activity, but have a reasonable conversation about their degree of interest. Maybe they would rather be doing something else.
- Sports activities can be all-encompassing with practices, travel, overlapping sports seasons and uniform purchases. We know that physical activities are so important for children, so we want to encourage their participation in sports that are meaningful for them. Keep a close eye on their interest and their successes and failures. Successes are exciting, and failures can teach valuable life lessons if the outcomes are kept in perspective.
- It is very important that the activities do not interfere in a meaningful way with the other essential activities of childhood and adolescence like school (and homework), peer relationships, healthy nutrition and sleep. You will need to monitor the activities and keep open communication about the essential activities. When outside activities are affecting school, nutrition and sleep, some modifications need to be considered. Again, avoid confrontation and keep your communications calm, measured and nurturing. Ultimatums tend to be rejected or ignored and set up a cycle of denial and conflicts that erode your relationships.
- Monitor your child’s mental health to make sure that they are comfortable with all of the activities. Emphasize that change (stopping or suspending certain activities) is perfectly reasonable after a calm discussion. Overcommitment can be detrimental, so it is important to keep an eye on the big picture. The tendency to do too many things is so easy in today’s society.
The lines of communication should always be open as you monitor your children through childhood and adolescence. Let them know that you support them and want them to thrive with their activities.
Enjoyed this article? Read more from Dr. Bob: “How Do I Regulate My Emotions as a Parent?”
Dr. Bob Saul is a professor of pediatrics (emeritus) at Prisma Health in Greenville, South Carolina, and a former pediatrician who has been there for over 40 years. You can visit his website at mychildrenschildren.com.
