As parents, we have days when we feel like we own this parenting thing. The laundry is done, the bills are paid, dinner was ready at a reasonable time, the laundry basket is not overflowing, and everyone is relatively happy.
Then there are other days – the days when nothing goes well. The sink is full of dishes. The wet clothes in the washing machine have started to smell. The kid can’t find a shoe. Your cell phone is MIA. The car is on empty, and you are running late. You’re tired, overwhelmed, and reacting more than responding. No one is happy: not your children, your partner or you. We may yell or just shut down. These are the days when we don’t show up as the parents we aspire to be.
In this age when picture-perfect parenting confronts us every time we pick up our phones, we value the authenticity of the S.C. Parent Advisory Council members, supported by the Children’s Trust of South Carolina. The group meets regularly and shares its collective wisdom on relevant parenting topics. They recently discussed those moments that can haunt us as parents—when we stumble in our parenting journey.
Here is their advice for when you’re in the thick of it.
Listen to Your Kids: They Know You and Have a Front Row Seat.
Sometimes we lose patience. We yell, shut down, say things we regret, or withdraw because it becomes overwhelming. Often, it’s our children who teach us something powerful. They reflect our tone, call us out (sometimes gently, sometimes not), ask for more, and remind us that it’s okay to pause, reset and try again.
Unlearn Our Learned Behaviors.
Being a parent means constantly unlearning the unhealthy aspects of what shaped us. Many of us grew up in homes where apologies were rare and authority was absolute. Now, we’re working to create something different. We’re allowing our children to speak their minds, share their opinions, say, “I can’t talk right now,” and we’re learning to be okay with that—even when it triggers something profound and uncomfortable inside us.
Those moments of conflict, emotional overload, “Who are you talking to?” and “I know you’re lying” are real. They happen. And they don’t make us bad parents. They make us human.
Embrace the Growth.
What matters is what happens next. Do we take a breath? Do we apologize? Do we spend five minutes reminding ourselves that we actually like these little humans we’re raising, even when they challenge us the most? Do we see our children not as reflections of who we were, but as their own people with their own voices, boundaries and needs?
Parenting is not about perfection. It’s about growth. It’s about allowing ourselves to mess up, course-correct, and model what it looks like to be a work in progress. After all, we’re raising future adults, not just obedient children.
Know Your Triggers.
Tone? Huffing and puffing? Talking back? Different moral compasses? Your child walking away when you are talking to them? Leaving dishes in the sink or not helping around the house? Wouldn’t it be amazing if your family did what they needed to do without being asked?
It often involves facing the reality that your triggers usually relate less to your child and more to your own childhood. It requires resisting the urge to say, “Because I said so!” when you’re running on empty. It’s about remembering to care for yourself so you don’t become your parenting alter ego when the huffing, puffing and eye-rolling start.
Know Your Kids’ Triggers.
Are they getting enough sleep? Are they anxious about something? Has hangry set in? When we are running full steam, it is hard to hit pause and think, what is going on with this kid? What does my child need right now?
Remember, all behavior is communication.
Tomorrow is Another Day.
The beauty is that our children don’t need us to be perfect. They need us to be present, honest, willing to grow, and ready to try again tomorrow. Because the goal isn’t to raise kids who fear us, but to raise kids who trust us, and who one day become adults who know how to own their mistakes, manage their emotions, and extend grace to others… and to themselves.
Keep Showing Up.
Here’s to every parent who has ever lost their temper, said something out of frustration, or just needed a Snickers to get through the day. You’re not alone. You can bounce back. And you are exactly the parent your child needs—as long as you keep showing up.
Give yourself grace. This is hard. And you’re doing better than you think.
