Some of the Children’s Trust Parent Advisory Committee members gathered at the Building Hope for Children Conference.
You know that old saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”? Well, turns out, it takes a village to raise an adult, too. And a tired mom. And a stressed-out student. And basically, all of us. But let’s be real – building a village isn’t exactly as easy as ordering takeout. If only there were an app for it, right? (Swipe right if you promise to bring snacks and emotional support.)
So, how do you actually build your village? How do you find those people who will pick up your kid from school when you’re stuck in traffic, remind you to turn on the crock pot (because we are all great at forgetting that), or just be there when you need a vent session about life?
The rock star parents of the Children’s Trust Parent Advisory Committee discussed this question, and as always, we love their great advice.
1. Start with What You Can Offer
One of the best ways to build a support system is to be a support system. Think of your skills, time or just good listening ears as the foundation of your village. Emily shared how she started taking her neighbor’s kids to school—just a simple gesture that grew into a meaningful friendship. Sometimes, it’s those little things that crack open the door to connection.
2. Define What a Village Means to You
Not all villages look the same. Ruth made an excellent point: a village isn’t just a collection of random people; it’s a carefully curated group of humans who make sure you don’t completely lose your mind. Your village should match your needs—whether that’s family, close friends, co-workers, or the barista who always gets your complicated coffee order right.
3. Make the Ask
Let’s be honest, asking for help can be awkward. But here’s the thing—people can’t be part of your village if they don’t know you need them. Ruth suggested making a specific ask: “Hey, I’m taking night classes for six months. Can you remind me to meal prep?” Or “Can you do school pickup twice a week?” The worst they can say is no, and the best they can say is, “Of course! Also, want some homemade cookies?” (Manifesting that outcome for all of us.)
4. Find People in Your Everyday Spaces
You don’t have to go out of your way to find your people—chances are, they’re already around you. Join that neighborhood Facebook group, chat with other parents at kids’ events, volunteer at school, or just strike up conversations in your community. Emily mentioned how online groups can be surprisingly helpful (because sometimes, the internet isn’t just a chaotic void of memes and misinformation).
5. Accept That Villages Evolve
Your village will change with time, and that’s okay. Katie shared how her village looks completely different now than when she first became a mom. People come and go based on life seasons, moves and evolving needs. The key is to keep building, adapting and appreciating the people who show up.
6. Embrace the Awkwardness
Shelina put it perfectly: sometimes, making new friends as an adult feels like dating. You meet someone, you click, and suddenly you’re asking, “Will you be my friend? Can I have your number?” It’s weird but also wonderful. The important thing is to take that first step—because chances are, the other person is looking for their village, too.
Final Thoughts
Our parents shared their words describing the importance of a village: trust, connections, belonging, growth, honesty, humor—meaningful sentiments that underline the value of building and supporting friendships.
Building a village isn’t about having a massive network of acquaintances—it’s about finding those key people who will support you, challenge you, and remind you that you’re not in this alone. It’s about creating a give-and-take system where everyone benefits, and no one feels like they’re just floating through life solo.
So, if you’ve been waiting for a sign to start building (or expanding) your village—this is it. Take the leap, send the text, say yes to the coffee invite. Your village is out there, and it’s ready for you.
